While previously we disappointed you by laying down the truth of what REALLY happens on your wedding night, we’ve decided to cut you some slack and help you out. Here are five great alternative wedding night ideas for the adventurous.
… Just kidding.
Are you Cinderella? Looks wise – perhaps. But the difference is, you (possibly) won’t turn into a pumpkin at midnight, so why end the celebration there? Your friends are already all together, and apparently incredibly boozed up, so why not kick on into the early hours of the morning?
To those with a dirty mind who think I’m insinuating something else – sorry to disappoint. I mean literally eat food in bed. You’ve probably spent the night mingling with guests, sucking in your belly, and pretending you’re not hungry “at all” – but just you wait. The ravenous boar looming beneath your polite composure is just waiting to unleash on its prey – a piece of wedding cake.
Get your caterer to make up a doggy bag with any leftovers, and engorge yourselves in the privacy of your bridal suite where nobody can judge your questionable eating habits. Alternatively, order room service or even duck to the local McDonald’s. What better way to end a (wedding) night out.
Congrats! You’ve successfully transitioned into a state of food coma. Neither of you can speak, and the silence between you is only broken by raspy, heavy breathing. This is the perfect opportunity to crank out your favourite episode of ‘The Office’, lay as far away from one another as possible, and sporadically break into violent and somewhat painful belly laughs.
Unfortunately, some of us really do turn into pumpkins at midnight (dark circles under the eyes; a sallow, haggard look takes over your once supple face – you know what I’m talking about). When this happens, we pumpkins desperately need to remove ourselves from the public eye and slip into something more comfortable – like a coma.
Go clubbing (with or without spouse)
If you’re one of the unfortunate few who married a midnight pumpkin (our condolences), you may want to leave the sleeping to them and step out for a cheeky night on the town. Grab your bridesmaids or groomsmen and hit the clubs (with or without your new spouse). It is your wedding night, after all. Go wild!
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