For most, their wedding day ranks among the happiest in their lives. For others, it was an unmitigated disaster they’d rather forget. Social media site Reddit and British newspaper The Guardian asked readers about their worst wedding stories and the results will make you want to gasp – or perhaps, even giggle a little, too!
Note, the quotes below are exact copies, so the spelling and grammar isn’t ours!
Cake cutting grandma
“My grandma got sh*tfaced at my sister’s wedding and went and cut the cake with her credit card. It was horrible!” She adds, “It’s hilarious now, especially since that marriage was kaputz. But when it happened everybody was mortified. Good ole grandma!” – wineandcatlady
“Someone else proposed marriage. Without the groom and bride’s blessing. In the middle of the reception. Drunken cringing ensued.” -Lobolita
“I got hypothermia during the outdoor photography and missed the reception because I was in the hospital — with my brand new wife, who was still in her wedding dress”- YesThisIsNotMe.
“My mom’s best friend (and maid of honour) showed up the day of my mom’s first wedding with her head shaved. Apparently she was in love with the groom and this was her silent protest. The marriage only lasted 2 years and the groom eventually married the maid of honour.” – K3lti3
“I wasn’t there but at my parents wedding my dad got up for his speech and said “on behalf of my wife jenny and I” – my mum’s name is Sue, Jenny is his sister in law.” – ninja_wifey.
“When I was about 10ish, I was at a pretty low key wedding. Maybe 35 people there. There was a kid who asked me to dance about 4 or 5 times but he was a teenager and I was still in my awkward phase (I might add I have a decent sense of character, even at that age, and this kid sketched me out), so I kept turning him down. My mom finally caught on and told me I should dance with him and against my will, I finally did. Fast forward 4 years, he made it to the front page of the local newspaper. Killed both his parents, buried them in a shallow grave, and tried to run to Canada with his girlfriend after using their credit card to buy her a ring. I danced with a murderer.” – alibali780
He is doing what?!
“This actually happened, I wasn’t there, but I know someone who was. A wedding in Norwich, the whole ceremony went swimmingly, back to the reception and speeches, finally the groom stands up and does a lovely speech which ends: “And finally I’d like to thank the Best Man, who’s been shagging my wife for four months”. The groom put his glass down, walked out, marriage was annulled”.. – User SolomonGursky
Cat wedding dress alterations
Where shall I start? The cat ripping my dress the night before the wedding? My utterly vile mother-in-law whispering to me on the day that I looked fat? Or that she was wearing black because she was mourning her son’s future marrying me? – Cat from London
Dove no more
“I heard about a strange ceremony that involved releasing a hundred white doves. When the doves were released, these birds of prey swooped in from the fells or woodland or wherever they live and started eating the doves”. – User TheHandsomeCrab
I didn’t need that anyway
“Our wedding day was brilliant but the most memorable moment came as my husband and I drove away from the church in a classic merc convertible we’d borrowed. It had been done up in traditional fashion with tin cans, etc. As I threw the money for the “scramble”, hubby inadvertently ran over the foot of some kid (not a wedding guest), breaking his toe!” – Emma from Scotland
Blood on the dancefloor
“I got married in Scotland, so of course, we had a traditional ceilidh (Scottish country dancing). My new husband and I were dancing in the Eightsome Reel when disaster struck. My beloved – who, I should probably point out, is, in fact, English and therefore perhaps not to be trusted at a ceilidh – took my hands to propel me into a vigorous twirl. Sadly, he managed to connect his elbow sharply into my nose. My nose basically exploded. Blood flew across the dance floor and ran down the front of my wedding dress. I legged it into the nearest toilet, spraying blood as I went as guests looked on in horror. It took two hours for my nose to stop bleeding. I refused, point-blank, to call an ambulance – despite it obviously being broken – as the thought of arriving at the hospital in my bloodstained wedding dress was too horrible to contemplate. By the time I had ceased to hemorrhage, most of our guests had left” – Nicole from Scotland
“After the nice ceremony, we all went out for dinner and had a swell time. But before my wife and I could head home to enjoy our honeymoon, one mutual friend – whom we knew through my wife – said she wasn’t too keen on going home. It was too dark and she felt uncomfortable using public transport. I didn’t feel I had the authority to stand up and say, No no, this is our honeymoon, and you’ll be fine. She told her, Of course, you can spend the night. We lived in a studio apartment at that time”- Jimmy from Australia
I’m feeling 22
“My first marriage, a virtual elopement, the reception was held in a Southport night club with a dozen or so mutual friends. During the festivities, I went outside for a reason I can’t remember now and the bouncers wouldn’t let me back in again because I didn’t look older than 21. (They were nearly right – I was 22). I had to hang around outside until someone I knew came looking for me. Given the way things subsequently turned out it would have been better for both of us if I’d have gone home!” – User Sidfishes
“Someone who shall remain nameless stole my speech-laden cue cards, burned them and returned the ashes with a note that read ‘your speech was hot stuff’.” – User SolarDeathRayTower
Cricket team feud
“I wasn’t even at the wedding. I was playing cricket, an away fixture at Lytham St Annes, near Blackpool. As we played, the pavilion was being used for a wedding reception. When we heard shouts from the pavilion, we realised that a fight was kicking off. Members of the home team rolled up their sleeves, ran off the pitch, and pitched in. Members of our team stood, open-mouthed, nosed pressed up against the windows, as guests went flying over trestle tables loaded with food. We’d never seen anything like it.When we heard police sirens, the opposition players rushed out, covered in blood, beer and sandwich paste, and insisted we carry on with the game as if nothing had happen. A surreal day’s cricket, and I can’t even recall who won… ” – User DoyleM
Fizz, clink, pop
“The groom lost an eye at a wedding attended by a friend of mine. He went to open a bottle of champagne and popped it in the wrong direction”. – User WaywardCanuck