Do you have any relationship dealbreakers that you’ve let your significant other in on? Or unspoken rules about fidelity, finances or something else? We asked real couples their thoughts on what their relationship dealbreakers were and why, and here were the top 11 results:
Knowing what your dealbreakers are is important to any couple considering marriage, as if you are both committed to the relationship, then knowing these will give you the best chance at success throughout your future together.
1. Cheating
This one almost goes without saying, but for couples who aren’t in open relationships or polyamorous relationships, being unfaithful is a big dealbreaker. Many mentioned this when asked about relationship dealbreakers. For some, it extends all the way from emotional cheating to the physical act of cheating or sexting, and for others, it may only be feelings that are considered as cheating, but all had the same underlying message- lying to your partner, in general, is unacceptable in every circumstance (bar surprise parties or gifts) and most people won’t tolerate it.
2. Not letting me put my child or pet first
One anon real bride to be said of her 10-year relationship, that her furbaby came first and she told her partner that before they got engaged. Another noted that her baby will always come first, from the moment she became a mum, she knew that both herself and her hubby would be secondary to her son and his needs, and if her partner didn’t understand and respect that, she would consider that a dealbreaker.
3. Drugs
For some couples, doing drugs is akin to lying or cheating. Especially if the partner is lying about it, spending money they can’t spare on it or has developed a dependence on it. The issue most people have with drugs is the money and/or lying issues that may come along with it more so than the act itself. Once you start hiding things from your partner, it’s safe to say, you know you are doing something wrong. One real bride to be mentioned that her partner started using drugs and the act was less of an issue to her, it was more about the lying and sneaking around, and spending the money that should have been going toward their loans on his habit.
4. Rude to Customer Service people
“It’s such a turn-off when someone is rude to waiters or customer service people,” one real bride-to-be said. “I honestly believe that it’s who they really are if they speak to people like that. If you speak nicely to me but rudely to a waiter, then sorry but you’re not good enough.” We agree on this one! Be kind to everyone- no matter what their job is. Lawyer or teacher or waiter, we’re all people and we all deserve respect.
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5. Violence in general
“For me, if I see them exhibiting violent behaviour toward anyone, whether it’s to me, an animal, a stranger or a friend, then that’s a dealbreaker” an anonymous real bride revealed. She noted that a violent nature is not part of her ideal partner and she would see it as a “sign that they’re not right for me”. Amen! We agree on this one. Violence is best kept inside a boxing ring!
6. Not on the same page
Bride to be Elise noted that she would consider someone that continually made assumptions that she would do something for them, like drive them around, cook them dinner or clean up after them to be unsuited to her. It concerned her that this would eventuate into her looking after all of the kids, doing all of the cooking and cleaning and doing the shopping. Further, other users noted that not being “on the same page” would be considered a relationship dealbreaker for them, whether that be in terms of goals, plans for a family, or something else important to you, like health, fitness or religion.
7. Controlling or Manipulative
So many couples mentioned experiencing previous relationships where the other party was controlling about their clothing, money, how they spend their time and who they talk to. Due to this controlling nature affecting their happiness and ultimately ending the relationships, most people stated that being manipulative or controlling was a complete dealbreaker.
8. Ultimatums
Anyone who says “do this for me or I’m leaving you”, especially if it’s not realistic or reasonable is a big one for a lot of couples. Many will feel that this is unnecessary and be offended by being pushed into making a choice. If it’s “cheat on me and I’ll leave you”, then in that case, it’s perfectly acceptable, but making your partner choose between you and their best friend or you or their pet is not healthy.
9. Financial goals
Ultimately, you want your goals to be the same or similar in most areas, but especially when it comes to money. If you have a partner that likes to gamble and spend frivolously, but you save like crazy and scrimp every chance you get, you may come into troubles when you are planning your futures together. Ideally, you both have similar ideas of saving and your financial goals for a property, super/retirement savings and creating the lifestyle you both envisioned.
10. Family respect
You need your partner to respect your family and family relationships and allow them to grow and flourish, and even better if they love your family too and are truly a part of it. Read here to see signs that you’re marrying your soulmate.
11. Xenophobia
“Racism, Homophobia, Transphobia, Sexism, etc is a huge dealbreaker for me”, one recently married Easy Weddings user said. “I definitely make it known early on in a relationship that I am an intersectional feminist and I expect my partner to have very similar values. I am lucky to have found someone who is similar to me in that way and respects my social activism and supports it.”
So there you have it, 11 relationship dealbreakers. Is yours on the list? Leave in the comments and let us know what relationship dealbreakers you have, if any.
Interested in how your wedding stacks up? See what the average Australian wedding is like here, from the ages of the couple through to how much they spend, the theme and colours.
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