Petty? Us? Never. It’s no secret that the excitement of wedding planning can bring soaring highs and sweeping lows of emotion. While your guests (hopefully) understand that your wedding day is of monumental importance for you, they’ll naturally not be as invested in the details.
This can create a divide in opinion on many issues, from attire to plus ones to who foots the bill for what. Ever heard about a wedding-related disagreement and wondered if the parties are being petty or practical? We’ve asked real couples their opinions on common guest vs couple clashes.
Weddings are, by nature, joyous occasions filled with love, laughter, and the celebration of a beautiful union. But, let’s be honest, there’s a little bit of pettiness that can creep into the planning process. From strict dress codes to banning kids, there are some controversial decisions that couples make to ensure their wedding day goes off without a hitch. Let’s find out if these disagreements are petty or practical.
Being annoyed that a guest wears white — PRACTICAL
In Western culture, all shades of white (oh, and eggshell/bone/cream) are traditionally reserved for the bride. While all-white bridesmaid dresses have made a comeback, guests are usually expected to pull out their colourful looks and steer clear of anything ivory. This is one time-honoured tradition that has stuck around. 83% of poll respondents classified this as “100% warranted” and “not petty at all.”
With white-background prints being a grey area here, you might find that considerate wedding-goers reach out asking for your approval of their partially white ‘fits. It’s your day and they’re taking the time to ensure your comfort, so don’t be afraid to speak your mind on this.
Not inviting plus ones if you don’t know the partner — PRACTICAL
We get it! Weddings are expensive. With caterers charging per head, not to mention guest limits for virtually every venue, each invite counts. Even more importantly, you will want to be surrounded by familiar faces on the day. Our poll respondents deemed excluding partners you don’t know to be practical, with almost 85% of people saying they would expect the invitees to understand.
Many couples enforce a “no ring, no bring” rule which in modern times is usually interpreted to include couples who live together. If you haven’t met your cousin’s new fling or your high-school bestie’s latest Tinder match, it’s perfectly fine to exclude these plus ones from the guest list. After all, you want to celebrate with the people you know and love, not strangers who might be gone by the next week.
That said, if you have an invitee who doesn’t know anyone else well, it’s considered polite (merciful even) to extend a plus one invitation. It’s also controversial to exclude any long-term partners you know, but don’t get along with. It’s a big ask to request someone’s presence to celebrate your love while disrespecting theirs.
Not paying for your bridesmaids’ hair and makeup because you’re letting them choose what style they want — PETTY
Being a bridesmaid is an honour — even if it’s a title that comes with a few responsibilities and financial commitments. While matching dresses, hair and makeup were once commonplace, it’s become more popular to allow bridesmaids to pick their own look within some parameters. This way, you can ensure everyone has a style that they feel confident in.
So, if you’re not dictating the colours and aesthetic of your squad’s makeup, should you be obligated to foot the bill?
Regarding expecting your bridesmaids to pay their way, 69% of our respondents considered this to be petty. “You should still pay for them even if you’re not choosing the style of hair and makeup,” the majority decided. Many hair and make-up artists in our directory offer group pricing which makes it more affordable than ever to get your glam on with your crew.
Overriding your partner’s opinions on a wedding -related thing because you disagree and you’re doing most of the planning, so you get the final say — PETTY
This is a tricky one. In an ideal world, both parties would pull their weight with planning duties. This results in a fun wedding preparation journey where you and your partner are equally invested in the details of the day. However, if one person is doing most of the running around to venues, budgeting, seat planning, and late-night organisation sessions, does that give them the ultimate veto card for decision-making?
85% of respondents said both partners should have an equal say, even if that means biting your tongue or compromising. So, you don’t love the idea of a comedy magician at your reception — it’s your partner’s big day as well. Abracadabra indeed.
Getting upset about this could indicate a bigger issue: you’re overloaded with the planning process while your partner is blissfully unaware of your efforts. Play to your partner’s strengths when asking them to pitch in. A money-minded person can be a godsend with budgeting, while a people-person might enjoy taking on the guest communications. There’s a way for every personality type to contribute.
Not letting your guests bring their children to the wedding — PRACTICAL
Kids are adorable, but they can also be a handful, especially at formal events like weddings. It’s perfectly fine to set an age limit or opt for an adult-only affair for your ceremony, reception or both. 90% of our poll respondents agree that a child-free wedding is perfectly acceptable.
It’s not about excluding children; it’s about creating an atmosphere where adults can let loose and celebrate without worrying about little ones running amok or disrupting the ceremony. Most parents will thank you for the opportunity to have a night off and enjoy the festivities without any distractions!
Be sure to state your wishes clearly on your invitations. If you’re having a destination wedding, you might want to include some options for baby sitting services in the area. Most couples choose to include this on the wedding website as a subtle yet effective reminder.
Not letting your guests bring their children to the wedding and being mad if they can’t make it — PETTY
You’re planning the child-free wedding of your dreams. The guest list is set, and you can’t wait to party with all of your loved ones — those who are over 18, that is. What if a guest throws a spanner in the works and says they can’t attend without their children? Is it okay for you and your partner to be upset? 83% of our poll respondents said they found it petty to get annoyed over this. After all, it’s presumptuous to assume that everyone can afford a babysitter for the night or rely on family help.
While it’s inconsiderate to fly off the handle if your guests choose to skip your kid-free soiree, you shouldn’t feel obligated to make exceptions if you’re uncomfortable. If you are willing and able, consider discreetly reaching out to express how much you would love the invitee to be in attendance and offer to cover the cost of a babysitter.
Setting a Super Strict Dress Code — PETTY
You have a vision… and it involves a little, um, audience participation. Think of deciding on a dress code as curating the ambience of your wedding. Whether it’s a black-tie event or a whimsical garden party, it’s your prerogative to set the tone and guide your guests with what to wear. Besides, who doesn’t love an excuse to dress up and look their absolute best?
Many guests will feel more comfortable with clear guidelines for the dress code as it helps them to plan their outfit without feeling over or underdressed. But, how can you ensure everyone looks the part? Put simply, you can’t.
77% of our poll respondents found being OTT strict with the dress code to be petty. While it might be a little annoying, you can’t expect guests to purchase a new, on-theme outfit whenever they receive a wedding invite.
If you’re concerned that your guests might show up with outfits that detract from your wedding aesthetic, you can eliminate confusion by keeping your dress code simple and giving a short explanation on the invitation or wedding website. Circulate the details through your friends and family… and warmly welcome questions. Remember, not everyone knows what “garden formal” means.
Getting Super Competitive or Aggressive at the Bouquet Toss — PETTY
It’s a classic. The bouquet toss is a lighthearted tradition where the bride tosses her bouquet to a crowd of single guests, symbolising who will be the next to get hitched. However, sometimes things can get a little intense. It’s not uncommon to see guests diving and elbowing each other to catch the bouquet! While it may seem petty to get overly competitive, it’s all in good fun.
Respondents considered getting aggressive or emotional over this tradition to be the height of pettiness. 87% voted in favour of “Petty! It’s just a bouquet!” As a guest, if you’re getting upset by the bouquet toss, there might be a bigger conversation to be had about relationship timelines and expectations.
As a couple, remember to keep it lighthearted; you shouldn’t be pressuring any unwilling participants. There can be all kinds of reasons that women choose to sit this one out. Perhaps they find it outdated or insulting. They might be desperately hoping for a proposal making this a touchy subject for them. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to include this tradition, gauging the opinions of your single friends can be a great place to start.
Guests Swapping Plates at an Alternate Drop Meal — PRACTICAL
Alternate drop meals can be a tricky situation for both guests and the couple. Some guests may have an undeclared dietary preference or not prefer the meal they receive. That’s when people will start eyeing of the options around them and trading plates. Ideally, your caterer has devised a menu with equally delicious options, but it’s impossible to predict people’s on-the-night preferences.
While some might consider this a form of disrespect to the couple’s chosen menu, 94% of poll respondents saw no harm in a cheeky plate swap. In fact, it might create a good icebreaker for those who don’t know each other! While couples are unlikely to care about a few plate trades, sometimes embracing the element of surprise can lead to delightful culinary discoveries.
If you feel that seeing people trade plates will irk you, consider a banquet-style feast with share-style dining.
Getting Annoyed if Guests Leave the Wedding Favors Behind — PETTY
You’ve planned your wedding down to the T… and that includes a carefully selected, heartfelt favour for each guest. The cost of bomboniere can add up, so it only makes sense that couples can feel put out when they see their favours left behind. A slight majority of 64% of poll respondents declared getting upset about abandoned favours to be petty, making it one of our more contentious issues.
From a guest’s perspective, it’s important to empathise. Most guests are tired and a little tipsy at the end of an evening of champagne toasts and dancing. The favour they were so delighted to receive at the night’s start can be easily forgotten on the table. If you feel that you might be upset at the sight of abandoned favours, let your venue know that you would like any forgotten bomboniere to be given to the waitstaff and kitchen team. The team will likely be touched by a free gift — and you won’t even have the opportunity to be irritated.
Alternatively, you can collect the items in a basket to be brought to your post-wedding “goodbye” event if you have one. Your guests will likely be thankful for the opportunity to collect the favour.
We have a few tips for favours that won’t be left behind. If you’re personalising your items, opt for your guests’ names instead of your own. Choosing edible favours is another excellent idea; lollies or batched cocktails are two wildly popular options.
Guests Feeling Sad They Didn’t Get Enough Time with the Couple — PETTY
As the couple of honour, it’s impossible to spend quality time with every single guest at your wedding. While it’s not a deliberate act of pettiness, some guests may feel a little sad or left out if they didn’t get enough one-on-one time with you. Remember, it’s your big day, and you’ll be pulled in many directions.
80% of poll respondents found this a petty problem for guests to get upset about. Many guests will remember the excitement of their own receptions and will understand if you only have time for a quick hello. Encourage your guests to mingle with each other and assure them that their presence is what matters most. After all, weddings are about celebrating love and togetherness, not about dividing your attention.
While it can be considered old-fashioned by some, a receiving line post-ceremony ensures each guest gets at least a little time with you. A welcome dinner and goodbye brunch can also be an excellent way to give you more time with your guests. Plus, it’s a great excuse to make a weekend out of your celebration!
If you’re concerned about not getting enough time to spend with your guests individually, you might want to consider a smaller guestlist for a more intimate celebration.
Being annoyed if guests bring gifts when you specifically asked for wishing well contributions — PETTY
Wedding registries and wishing wells are common ways for couples to indicate their preferences for gifts. If you’ve explicitly requested wishing well contributions, it can be frustrating when guests show up with wrapped presents instead. This is one situation where you should put a smile on your dial and swallow any annoyance, 83% of poll respondents agreed.
While it may seem petty to feel annoyed, remember that some guests might have missed the message or simply prefer the traditional gift-giving route. Graciously accept the gifts and appreciate the sentiment behind them, knowing that their presence is a gift in itself.
If you are concerned about guests showing up with physical gifts, you plan for this. Particularly if you’re planning a destination wedding, make sure you or a wedding party member has room to transport the gifts back home.
Guests posting on social media before you get to post anything on your own socials — IT’S A TIE
Wow! This one was tight. Even though there was a 1% difference, we feel it’s simply too close to call. 49% of poll respondents found this practical, while 51% considered it petty to get annoyed about.
In the age of social media, weddings often become a hot topic for instant updates and photo sharing. It’s understandable to want to be the first to announce your wedding day on your own socials. However, guests’ excitement can sometimes lead to premature posts before you’ve had a chance to share your own wedding highlights. While it may feel a tad petty, take a deep breath and embrace the enthusiasm of your guests. Remember, their excitement and support are what truly matter.
Your vendors, particularly your photographer and celebrant, will be on your side with this issue. Gusts holding up mobiles can be tricky to photoshop out of ceremony shots, and your celebrant will want your guests’ full attention. Discuss this with your vendors beforehand and empower them to communicate your expectations with guests.
Real petty vs practical dilemmas from our followers
- Bringing +1st without telling the couple. Result: 99% PRACTICAL. “What?!!! That’s a hard no! Who does that?”
- Being worried the best man will give an embarrassing drunk speech. Result: 62% PRACTICAL. “Warranted — that would be so embarrassing…”
- Getting frustrated at people who still haven’t RSVPed past the cut-off date. Result: 93% PRACTICAL. “That is soooo annoying!!!”
- The bridesmaids being difficult about the dress even though they aren’t paying for it. Result: 82% PETTY. “The bridesmaids can deal!”
- Guests not being bothered to do our RSVP properly because it’s a QR code. Result: 83% PETTY. “Just do the dang thing!”
- People (not immediate family) asking to change the date because they want to travel. Result: 99% PETTY. “They can surely make it work?”
- Not allowing your parents to invite family/friends you don’t want there due to financial constraints. 90% PRACTICAL. “Warranted — the cost per head is way too high.”
- Getting annoyed with your Maid of Honour for hooking up with a groomsman. Result: 66% PETTY. “Let them have fun. Who cares?”
- Mother In Law basically wore a wedding dress (light pink poofy ballgown). Result: 85% PRACTICAL. “Justified — that’s a hard no from me!”
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