As soon as you get engaged, you’re bombarded with unsolicited wedding advice from friends, in-laws, rogue relatives, and even strangers. Here are some cheeky replies you can lean into, and a few chill responses too. All are guaranteed to be conversation enders.
Whether you’re at the very beginning of your wedding planning journey or the wedding date is fast approaching, there’s one tricky aspect of nearly every engagement: unsolicited wedding advice. And while some recommendations, opinions or pieces of wisdom may be genuinely helpful, others are unrealistic or just straight-up rude.
The way we see it, you have two options for how you’ll reply to any of these scenarios: Take the high road and channel your inner chill or go full Regina George on them. Okay, maybe it’s not necessary to be an actual Mean Girl about it, but we can all fantasise about the perfect cheeky reply.
Here are some common examples of unsolicited wedding advice and ways to respond to them:
Advice: You should just elope!
Cheeky comeback: Omg Danny Devito, I love your work! Ever the optimist, aren’t ya?
Channeling your inner chill: We’ve definitely considered it, but haven’t you ever been to a wedding that just made you feel like you wanted in on that experience too?
Tip: I would never spend that much on a wedding!
Cheeky comeback: Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll never have to.
Think chill: It’s so crazy how much inflation has changed the cost of a wedding.
Advice: You should get married at ::insert random place here::
Cheeky comeback: Okay, J Lo, didn’t realize you were back to planning weddings these days!
Chill reply: That sounds nice, but I’ve got a few places in mind and don’t want to reveal them until we’ve figured out the pricing.
Comment: Start saving now!
Cheeky comeback: Oh, did you get your little credit card debacle cleared up?
So calm: I know right? It’s so hard figure out what our budget will get us, but we’re sorting out the finances with our families. Thankfully not every payment is due at the same time.
Tip: You should talk to Jenny. She got married in a castle in Scotland like 15 years ago. I’m sure she’d be happy to give you advice.
Cheeky comeback: Yeah, totally. I’m sure her father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be happy to compare budget notes.
Chill Master Flex: You’re sweet to suggest that, but I don’t think our DIY budget quite stacks up to her castle wedding. We’ve gotten some great local advice though, so all good.
Advice: Remember that guy Sloppy John you made out with in high school? He has a wedding catering business now — you should hire him!
Cheeky comeback: Actually, that was you, not me. And, NOPE.
Reality sound bites: That’d be so awkward! I’d probably run away from him if I saw him in person. No chance I want him at my wedding!
Insistence: You have to invite your Grandma’s second husband, Hank, or I’m not coming.
Cheeky comeback: Cool cool cool. Didn’t he report himself missing after the last time the cops showed up at his house?
Chill, Winston: Great idea! Better yet, you should invite him out to dinner so you can catch up with him one-on-one.
Tip: You should really try to include your mom/sister/mother-in-law more in the wedding planning
Cheeky comeback: No, thank you. I’m allergic.
Chill reply: Did she tell you she’s feeling left out? Because it’s hard to include someone with such strong opinions about what I should or shouldn’t do.
Question: Shotgun wedding! You’re not pregnant, are you?
Cheeky comeback: I was going to ask you the same! You’re glowing with confidence!
Bridechilla: Nah, just wanted to get married quickly so we didn’t have to think about it for the next 18 months.
Advice: You should have a destination wedding!
Cheeky comeback: Only if we can take your private jet there!
Zen credit: Honestly, we’d love to, but if we do that, we’ll have like half the guest list and won’t be able to spend it with people like you.
Tip: You have to come up with a great wedding hashtag! I’ll help.
Cheeky comeback: #notinterested
Honestly chill: I post on socials like once a year, and Aaron doesn’t even have an account anymore. I really don’t need a hashtag for my wedding.
Advice: YOLO! Get the dress you really want; who cares about your budget!
Cheeky comeback: Imagine I walk into my reception in Vera Wang just to sit on the floor because we couldn’t also afford to rent chairs or hire a caterer bc of the price of the dress.
Inner peace talking: I mean, yeah, that’d be awesome, but we definitely can’t afford to go nuts. I think my bigger priority of feeding everyone so they don’t end up wasted at the wedding might have to win over my emotional side that really wants the more expensive dress.
Ideas man: You should DIY all the decorations — I’ll help!
Cheeky comeback: Yes, Martha Stewart! Can’t wait to see your paper flowers disintegrate into mush when I spray champagne all over the place in a moment of pure DIY bliss. Are you insane?
Chill response: You’re so sweet to offer and you know I love your creative input, but I can think of about 365 ways I’d rather spend the next year leading up to my wedding day.
Tip: You have to give single people a plus one.
Cheeky comeback: Perfect, so you agree? You think you’ll cover their cost?
Calm and cool: I totally get where you’re coming from, but we haven’t figured out if that works with our budget yet. We have to make so many hard decisions to afford the guests we really want to attend, but that’s definitely in the consideration pile.
Advice: That’s such a waste of money!
Cheeky comeback: Do you think your parents sometimes think that about what they paid for your education?
Chill chilla: You’re funny! I think we just have different priorities.
Tip: You have to have a first look!
Cheeky comeback: Stop trying to make a first look happen — it’s not gonna happen!
Soooo chill: Yeah, our photographer talked us through the benefits, but I feel pretty strongly about not seeing each other that day until we’re walking down the aisle. It’s one of the most important things for me.
Advice: John has to shave his beard off for the wedding.
Cheeky comeback: Well, you can go shave your back now.
Buddha’s comeback: Grooming is a practice of self-care, but remember, true radiance emerges from within, and I love John’s look just the way it is. Besides, I want to recognise him when I walk down the aisle!
What the pros say about unsolicited wedding advice
According to Melbourne celebrant Maureen Miles, it’s helpful to think of wedding advice as a Smorgasbord of tasty food. “You delight with the display but will only choose your very favourite things to eat,” Maureen explains. “The same goes with advice — appreciate the offering and then pick your favourites.”
“If they continue with the unwanted commentary, just tell them you love them to bits, but you really need their support on what you have chosen for your wedding day.”
Advice from real couples regarding unsolicited wedding advice
We recently took to Instagram to ask our amazing followers how they dealt with unwanted advice and questionable comments when planning their weddings. As always, their insights didn’t disappoint! Here are some of our favourite tips from real couples to help you deal with unwanted wedding advice:
- Remember that it’s your day in the end — let them speak so they feel heard and move on!
- Thank them for the advice and explain that your wedding vision is a little different (more easygoing, less formal, making your own new traditions etc.)
- Just don’t take it personally! Advice usually comes from a good place — they think they’re helping.
- Always remain respectful and polite. You can listen to what they have to say and say you’ll consider it, even if you don’t necessarily agree.
- Don’t let others cloud your judgement — your wedding day should be a reflection of you and your partner.
- Take a big breath and respond with, “yes, I hear what you are saying. However, we don’t think this will be the right way for our wedding because…”
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