I need to ask my gf's dad permission because I want to marry her... but how do I do it? Do I take him out for a beer, call him or what? He's pretty serious so it's a little daunting. We've been dating three years and her family loves me. Her mum is nice should I do it with her there too?
Jakob R
Question Asked: 27/02/2017
Wedding Date: 1/09/2018
Answered by: 12 Experts
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(16) · Byron Bay to Ballina , North Coast NSW and Gold Coast QLD
Posted: 7/04/2017
On your knees
(1) · Noosa and Surrounds, Gympie to Caloundra, The Hinterland
Posted: 8/03/2017
I love to think that this tradition has not fallen by the wayside. By the sounds of things you seem to have a better understanding with your girlfriends mother. Why don't you ask both mother and father out for a casual lunch. I am sure by now they would have an idea of what the invitation would be all about and be open to it. Explain how much you love their daughter and that you want to spend the rest of your life loving and caring for her. If you need support you could perhaps have your girlfriend with you. Unless of course you wanted to surprise her as well. Good luck.
Jakob, I don't feel you have a worry in the world ! I would speak to both mum and dad together, it is much more respectful.
Best wishes.
(11) · Wollongong, South Coast (as far as Nowra), Southern Highlands and Sydney
Posted: 4/03/2017
Hi Jacob. If you feel you need to ask his permission, ( you don't need to do this formality though), bring it up over a family dinner eg. We have decided we want to spend the rest of our lives together in marriage. Your gf's parents probably would be very happy.
(24) · Adelaide Metro | Adelaide Hills | Fleurieu Peninsula
Posted: 2/03/2017
Hi Jakob,
The original reasons for asking a father's permission are pretty well obsolete these days, but it is a sign of respect for him that you would like to ask him. It may be wise to ask your girlfriend if she thinks it's a good idea first, and it may also be better to ask both parents, as it sounds like mum is definitely onside.
A definite face to face at either their home, or somewhere you think he will feel comfy, like the pub, would be a good move. Get him onside by taking a bottle of wine to the house or buying him a beer at the pub.
Dress appropriately, be confident, mature and respectful - and try not to let your nervousness show!
Start by letting him know how important his daughter is to you, how you care for her and that you take marriage seriously, are ready for the commitment and want to be with her in a loving, stable relationship, for life.
Think about any issues he may raise and have the answers to his questions well thought out.
It sounds like the family has known you for some time and he would look rather churlish to outright refuse his permission.
I hope this has helped you in some way and I wish you all the best for a very happy future.
Hi, Jakob,
May I suggest that you call him and say that you would like to have a word with him and ask when would be convenient. He will probably sense at this stage what you are planning but, speaking from personal experience, he will really appreciate the respect you are showing him - it worked for me when my daughter got engaged :)
Cheers,
Philip Holland - Sydney Celebrant
(47) · Dandenong Ranges/Yarra Valley/Melbourne & surrounds
Posted: 1/03/2017
Hey Jakob. We've become quite contemporary over the last decade and old traditions have made way for new. Whilst it might not be necessary to ask 'permission' to marry your girlfriend, what is going to be important for her dad? If you feel he'd like to be asked, then go over together to visit her parents (with a bottle of bubbly??) and let them know how you much you would love to be part of their family. You can say you've asked your gf, she's accepted and you would appreciate and value their approval. Produce the bottle of bubbly when the hugging begins :-)
Congratulations Jakob! Lisa Newman - Wedding Celebrant
(7) · Hunter Vineyards | Port Stephens | Newcastle | Lake Macquarie | Central Coast, Sydney & Elsewhere by
Posted: 1/03/2017
Jacob, it's not as daunting as you believe it is. Your girl's mum likes you along with the rest of her family. Ever thought they might all be wondering when it's going to happen? I would get both mum & dad together. Tell them straight out you both want to marry - I assume you have already asked your gf? Assuming her mum is happy, feed off those emotions. If she's happy, so, too, should be dad.
Dr Philip Clendon Greentree, Greentree Ceremonies
Congrats Jakob! I definitely recommend doing it in person and I think including the mother is a very nice gesture! Maybe just take them out for coffee... Nothing too serious/formal. Keep it casual which will make it easier for you. All the best and good luck!
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Hi Jakob,
I think it is a lovely idea to ask her Mum AND Dad. Afterall, she is daughter to both of them.
If you have a great relationship with them, then I would pop around to see them, when you know your girlfriend is not at home.
If you arrange to take Dad out for a beer - or similiar - then they will all know what's up !
Maybe, have a bottle of champagne (or their fav) in your car on ice and when they say YES ! run and get it. If you are as respectful as you sound, they will love you for it and so will your GF.
Congratulations,
Jan