Maid of Honour Guidebook

It’s a huge honour to be asked to be someone’s maid of honour. You’ve been entrusted to be the bride’s right-hand person, supporting them in the lead-up and on the actual wedding day. But with this time-honoured role, some responsibilities come with the title. We’ve put together this maid of honour guidebook.

Your best friend’s partner has dropped down on one knee – the most epic proposal! Maybe you even had some inside information and knew it was happening. But after the proposal, comes the next important question for any bride: “Will you be my maid of honour?” It’s every girl’s dream, first their own wedding and then to stand by their sister or best friend for theirs. 

However, maid of honour is a little more than standing beside her at the altar. It’s heralded as a position designed to “support the bride”, but what does that actually mean? Well, for each bride it’s going to look a little different. But if you’ve been asked to be your besties and you’re low-key panicking because you don’t know what you’ve signed up for, we’ve got you.

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First of all: Don’t panic! 

Okay, yes, there’s a to-do list. For a Type A person, we hear the chorus of cheers: Yay! A Type A person will love to hear that – nothing more satisfying than crossing off a task. But for the Type B person, this could instil panic. Don’t stress though, although there is some organisation, it’s fun and can be done with a cocktail in hand. Win!

Okay, what is a maid of honour?

Before you launch yourself into the throes of wedding planning, maybe it’s time to stop and reflect: what exactly is a maid of honour? As maid of honour, you’re the bride’s right-hand person, the go-to. The calm in the chaos. You’re there to make sure she’s eaten before the pre-ceremony champagne and to be her sounding board for when things get… well… a bit full on.

The job description

This is a role, after all. So we’ve put together a bit of a job description (don’t worry, no contracts and it’s got great perks!)

Before the wedding

Be emotionally available

• Listen to dress drama, family politics, and colour palette crises – did you know how many shades of pink or green or even white there are? You’re about to find out!
• Offer snacks, memes, wine, and gentle honesty. You’re not a 24-hour hotline, but you are a bit of a lifeline, so come armed with all the essentials — facemasks, chocolate, and 27 Dresses.

Organise events

Weddings are not a single-day affair. There are engagement parties, hen’s parties, dress trying on. There are so many things in the lead-up, and you’ll be on hand to help out. Particularly with the bridal shower and bachelorette party. 

• Get a WhatsApp group with the other bridesmaids. This Bride Tribe group will be the place where all the planning happens. 
  • We’ve thought of some fun names for it: The I Do Crew, Her Royal Court, Aisle Be There, Gown and Out.
• Hen’s parties and bachelorettes – get the bride’s vibe and then take the reins. You should know whether or not she’s a gal who wants to wear the sash and drink from those straws. Pick and choose wisely.

Stylist extraordinaire 

• Help with dress shopping – you’re about to learn the difference between a sweetheart and a V-neck neckline, all the different shades of white and vintage versus French lace. That’s right, you’re going to help her say “Yes to the dress”.
• Make sure your bridesmaids know what to buy, when to buy, and give them enough time to make sure they fit perfectly.

Does a maid of honour need to be married? We answer!

The wedding day

It’s the day! It’s your best friend’s wedding day, and although this is all about the happy couple, a few people back-of-house are always pulling some strings. Besides dress fluffer, there are some other wedding day roles you’ll take on board.

Be the Swiss Army knife

Water, snacks, a tissue, some gum. Much like a Swiss Army knife, you’ll be the person with all the answers. A touch of lip gloss, a spare printed version of the speech. Whatever the bride needs, you can have on hand.

Organisation queen

• Have the timings saved on your phone and ensure all vendors are worded up.
• Be the Yellow Pages – have all the vendor and important people contacts saved into your phone, including the Aunty who’s in charge of grandma making it to her seat on time.

Help with the dress

• Fluff, fluff, fluff, the train isn’t going to fluff itself.
• Hold the bouquet – during the ceremony, you can hold the bouquet so the couple can join hands.
• Know how to bustle it. What is that exactly, you ask? It’s making sure that any train can be attached to the back of the dress to keep it out of the way after the ceremony.

Make a speech (maybe)

It doesn’t have to be a long speech, but some couples will expect their maid of honour to make one. Sure, sharp, sweet and personal. Nothing mortifying, those speeches are so passe.

Keep the party going 

• Dance, encourage others to dance, and keep an eye on the bride in case she needs a quick escape from long convos.

After the wedding

Pack down

No, no – not the furniture or plates, but you can be there to help store the dress, collect the cards, gifts and ensure that the heels that had been inevitably discarded are found and returned.

The memory keeper

• Make sure someone got photos of the bride with Grandma.
• Collect Polaroids, guestbook notes, or messages for the couple.

Check In

• The post-wedding blues are real – a cute message or lunch date can go a long way.

Survival kit

Wedding days are go, go, go! And the bride has a lot on her mind. Putting together a bit of a survival kit so that you can jump in if there’s anything that she needs is all part of the role. What should you include?

• Bobby pins
• Fashion tape
• Safety pins
  
• Deodorant
• Mints
• Phone charger
• Tissues
• Lipstick/gloss
• Panadol
• Snacks
• Flat shoes

Maid of Honour FAQs

Q: Am I in charge of paying for stuff?
A: Nope! You’ll probably split some costs with the bridal party (like the hen’s), but you’re not footing the entire bill.

Q: Do I have to give a speech?
A: Not always. If it’s expected, the bride will tell you — but even a 30-second toast is plenty.

Q: What if I don’t know the other bridesmaids well?
A: Fake it till you make it. A group chat and a few memes go a long way.

This is a lot of ways to say what the real job is for the maid of honour: make the bride feel loved and heard. Everything else? That’s second place.

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