How do I determine what friends to invite and leave off the guest list during covid?
I have had chronic health issues since 2013, after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I had to have implants after mastectomy and have had health issues ever since. I mostly stay in contact with my friends on social media but don't hang out with most of them in person, especially since covid. I have a long time friend that used to invite us to her events but stopped a few years ago. We still run into each other and she has asked when my wedding is and she knows my fiance, as they used to work together as managers for a retail pharmacy. Her kids and my son grew up around each other but I'm not sure if they should be on the guest list or not? She always says she misses us and we need to hang out but it never happens. I'm just not sure how to decide who we should include or not include and we are trying to stay within our budget AND keep up with social distancing during this pandemic.
Question Asked: 4/11/2020
Wedding Date: 9/08/2018
Most Helpful Response
Answered by: 6 Experts
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I'm personally pretty blunt about guest lists, so here are my thoughts and how I suggest people process this conundrum:
- If you wouldn't want to have dinner with that person one-on-one, don't pay $100+ for them to attend your wedding.
- How often do you see/talk to this person in a deep and meaningful way? More than just "how was your weekend" or "how are the kids?"
- If talking to this person on your wedding day meant you wouldn't get to speak with others (because, realistically, you can only get around to maybe 60% of everyone there), would you be okay with that?
- Do you know this person personally or are they the friend of a friend/parent?
- Process of elimination: write out your entire ideal list of guests, highlight anyone who is a "must-have" - this is your A List - and see how many that is. Room for a few more? Great, add in a few more from your B List - these are the people who you 100% want but maybe aren't as A List as your bestfriends or immediate family. Keep working through as a process of elimination.
Ultimately, it's your day. Make the choice that makes YOU and your partner happy. If people choose to be offended by it, that's on them, not you.
Good luck!
(0) · Melbourne, Yarra Valley, Mornington Peninsula, Bellarine Peninsula & Surrounds.
Posted: 5/11/2020
Hi there!
It is so brave of you to tell us in your message about your health issues. I can only imagine the challenges that you have been through! You, especially will understand how important it is to be surrounded yourself with people who love and support you. When you have serious health issues it really shows you who your true friends are.
I'm certain that through your recent challenges, you have seen who is truly part of your life and who is transient. YOU INVITE ONLY THOSE who have proven their dedication to you by their support.
You only need to invite those that are truly part of your life.
All the best for a wonderfully happy experience planning your Wedding - you deserve it ?
When couples ask us to help them make the tough decision about who to invite and who to leave off their wedding guestlist, we usually ask "would you take them out to dinner and pay for their meal?" "Are they going to add value and enjoyment to your day?" Your immediate gut response should tell you whether to invite them to your special day or not. Especially in light of the current social distancing restrictions, people should understand that you are making a difficult decision. If anything, people are more understanding right now than pre-COVID. If your fiance used to work with her, ask your fiance the same question above and if neither of you feel that she must be there, leave her off the list. The most important thing is not to feel guilty about who you do or don't invite because it is your and your fiance's special day. Placing yourself under extra financial strain or stressing about social distancing on the day because you felt pressured to invite anyone isn't how you should remember your wonderful day.
Congratulations on your wedding! It’s so tough when you have to revisit your guest list and cull due to circumstances out of our control. It’s also tricky when family have suggestions and preferences to keep everyone happy.
Our advice would be to ask yourselves who will be supporting you through your marriage? Who will be the friends and family you’ll “do life with”? Those ones will be the special people you’ll want to start your exciting marriage journey with, the people who will love and support both of you, your relationship and family throughout the years.
I hope the end result brings you both so much happiness.
Best of luck to you both and hope the day goes brilliantly xx
(0) · Gunnedah, Tamworth, Armidale, Narrabri, snowy mountains Willing to travel
Posted: 5/11/2020
- My suggestion would be invite your friends that you and your fiancé are close to the actual wedding and let the rest of your friends know that you will do a dinner or something special with them on another day when this pandemic is over. Your friends should understand and respect your decision as it is a hard choice to make especially when you are trying to stay in your budget and comply with the social distancing rule during this pandemic
Easy Weddings Expert
It sounds like you feel obligated to invite this friend given your history and connection but that you really don't want to. Given this most unusual year and your health concerns, if you weren't up for having a direct and honest conversation about what your friendship has become, you have a perfectly legitimate reason to leave her off the list. If COVID has taught us anything this year, it's to stay true to our values and what matters most. On the other hand, if you value what this friendship was and could be once more, weddings have a way of bringing people together and perhaps it's just the opportunity to mend things. Good luck and we wish you an incredible day no matter what.
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Hi,
So sorry to hear of your health, I do hope everything is going well for you. As we all know due to the Covid we can only have so many people. First would be your family, next is close friends (who you see on a daily basis or weekly) and then you could possibly invite work friends etc. Don't stress over who you can't invite, people should understand with the covid etc, you can always live stream your wedding for those you can't invite but would still like them to be apart of it.