Now I want to start this by saying that this isn’t some vague list put together by someone who has never been married or had a wedding. I got married just LAST MONTH and these are actually things that my friends and family did, and I really didn’t invite that many people (65). And they’re mostly good people (that’s a joke, sorry friends). So.. trust me on this, people get busy or aren’t mindful when it comes to wedding etiquette. Your guests are bound to break some of these wedding etiquette rules:
Not RSVPing on time, or at all
I had several people never RSVP. Parents, friends, relatives, the lot. Even people that I asked several times. I made it really simple. No messing around with stamps and writing song choices down. Just go to our wedding website, input your name and voila, click yes or no. No need to go to the post office. Just click a few buttons. One guy didn’t RSVP but did fly from another state. Another was a guest but also part of the entertainment, still never said he was coming. Yep. That’s people for you. They just assume you know!
Showing up late
We had someone misread the invitation completely and see 1pm as the departure for the bus, not the ceremony time. So once he realised, he had to rush from the city to the venue and walked in halfway through our ceremony. It happens! And I did notice him entering, but I wasn’t even mad. He’s human, it’s no big deal.
Texting or calling the couple on the day
It’s a common rule to not call or text the bride on the wedding day, but that rule is heteronormative so we’re going to ignore that. If you must text/call someone, get in touch with the MOH or best man, parents of the couple, or venue for any questions you may have. Leave the couple to get ready, and don’t bother them with minor details.
Wearing white or cream/offwhite
Now no one did this at my wedding, but several weddings i’ve attended in the last few years (with a bride in attendance) have had guests in attend wearing white dresses too. Which is in very poor taste. It’s one thing for their celebrant, bridal party or parents to be wearing white when asked to by the bride, but it’s a whole other story when a random Becky shows up as a plus one in a white ballgown.
Not bringing a gift or card
Not being ungrateful here, because I did not expect gifts from my guests, but the couple has gone to the effort of putting on this whole party and spent a lot of money hosting you, the least you can do is write a nice message on a card as a keepsake for them! It’s okay if you can’t afford a gift! Also, on a related note, another gift giving mistake is having a massive gift for them and no way for them to get it home. If it’s big or bulky, have it sent to their house, don’t pass it to them when they’re trying to exit the reception. Please. I didn’t think things like this needed to be said… then I got married.
Assuming they are invited
So many “friends” and acquaintances said things like “can’t wait for your wedding” or, “sorry, I can’t come to your birthday/housewarming/engagement party/dogs birthday because I’m busy that day but I WILL come to your wedding!” or even “if you have a spare place I’ll come”. That isn’t how weddings work! I worked my butt off planning this wedding and spending copious amounts of money on it to treat my true pals and family- not the bloke who chats to me at the gym sometimes or the gal I buy a sandwich from once a week at the deli next to work. You’re not invited, soz. Don’t assume. Never assume!
Assuming their kids or boyfriend/girlfriend is invited
So when you DO invite someone, and they just say… “oh, can I bring my uncle/mum/kid/dog/cousin Tina/Rabbi/pineapple?” NO man, I don’t even know them! I don’t want people I don’t care about at my wedding, especially at $170 per person for food/drink alone! If their name is not listed, then sorry but I don’t have a place for Pineapple McGee. Also, what do pineapples eat? This joke has gone too far.
Forgetting to mention dietary requirements
If you’re allergic to fish, gluten intolerant, vegan, pescatarian, etc, then please not only note it down on the RSVP card, but also let your waiter know! I had vegetarians at my wedding that said NOTHING to the servers, so they had to go around with the vego food searching for its owner (it was a cocktail style). The caterer even made up a specific mini grazing platter for the vegetarians, and had no idea who to tell about it. Cheese should never go to waste. Never! This can as simple as this: Identify yourself when a waiter tries to serve you. Say, “oh, no thank you, I am ____”, Not so hard, now, is it? 😉 Now they will bring you food FOR you! Your gluten free, nut free, vegan dessert awaits!
Forgetting to “save the date” even when you sent save the date cards out
I had one guest not attend my wedding because they simply forgot it was happening and booked a holiday during the same weekend. As they weren’t a close friend and my friend’s partner, my friend cancelled her flight and rebooked for after the wedding. Not a big deal for me, but a huge inconvenience for her! Save the dates are there for a reason, people. And plus, they are sometimes magnets. Look at that, magic.
