An expert guide to writing your wedding vows

By:

Frankie David

Frankie David is a contributing writer for the Easy Weddings team.

Updated on: September 15, 2026

Standing in front of your favourite human and articulating why you love them (and what you promise for the future) can feel surprisingly daunting. While traditional vows follow a set formula, custom wedding vows give you the freedom to set the exact tone of your ceremony.

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Whether you want to keep things lighthearted, deeply emotional, or somewhere balanced in between, a clear plan makes the drafting process straightforward. Here is how to write wedding vows that feel authentic, personal, and well-balanced.

1. Agree on tone and logistics first

Before writing a single line, sit down with your partner and set ground rules. You do not need to share the exact words, but agreeing on structure prevents a major mismatch on the day.

Tone: Decide whether you are aiming for humorous, romantic, or a blend of both.
Length: Aim for 1 to 2 minutes per person (roughly 150 to 250 words).
Format: Determine if you will keep your vows secret until the ceremony or write them collaboratively.

Setting clear expectations early ensures both sets of vows harmonise seamlessly during the ceremony. Image: Celebrating With Connie

2. Start with targeted writing prompts

Staring at a blank page is the hardest part of the process. Rather than trying to write polished prose immediately, treat the initial draft as a brain dump. Answer these questions to get the narrative flowing:

What first drew you to your partner, and when did you realise they were the one?
How has your life changed or improved since meeting them?
What specific traits, habits, or quirks do you admire most in them?
What concrete promises are you making for your shared future?
What has your partner taught you about love, patience, or partnership?

Remember that vows are fundamentally promises. While sharing stories and compliments adds warmth, the core of wedding vows lies in the commitments you make to each other for the road ahead.

The most moving vows balance personal anecdotes with meaningful promises for the future. Image: Ashleigh May Studios

3. Have a mutual friend cross-check your drafts

Keeping your vows secret from each other builds anticipation, but it also carries the risk of tone disparity. One partner might deliver a lighthearted roast while the other delivers a tear-jerking essay.

Many couples we see choose a trusted mutual friend to review both drafts. Pick someone who understands your relationship dynamic and will offer honest feedback. Have them check for:

Word count alignment: Ensuring one set of vows is not twice as long as the other.
Tone consistency: Confirming both drafts complement each other without clashing.
Flow and voice: Splicing strong lines together if you have written multiple versions.

Running your draft past a trusted friend keeps your tone grounded and authentic. Image: Catch The Moment

4. Pass the draft to your celebrant or officiant

Your marriage celebrant is your best editorial resource. They have guided hundreds of ceremonies and know precisely how spoken words translate to a live setting.

Once your draft is close to finished, send it to your celebrant for a final review. They can ensure your custom text seamlessly integrates with the legal requirements of your ceremony. They will also spot any awkward phrasing that might be difficult to read aloud under pressure.

Experienced celebrants help refine your spoken timing so your words land naturally. Image: Lou Mazzulla Celebrant

Your officiant ensures your written promises align smoothly with official ceremony legalities. Image: Christopher Blain, Celebrant, DJ, MC, Musician

5. Prepare for delivery on the day

Writing strong vows is only half the battle; reading them clearly is the second. Nerves are entirely normal, but a few practical preparations can keep the moment stress-free:

Print them out: Avoid reading from a phone screen. Print your vows on heavy cardstock or write them in a dedicated vow book for a clean look in your photography.
Practice aloud: Read your vows out loud multiple times before the wedding. This helps build muscle memory and identifies places where you might need to pause for breath.
Embrace the emotion: If you get choked up, pause, take a breath, and take your time. Your guest list consists of your favourite people, and no one is expecting a theatrical performance.