Is it alright to have a daddy-daughter dance and then skip mother-son dance though mother wanted it?
Bride and dad had their emotional dance as I, the groom’s mother, was waiting beside the dance floor for my turn with my son. Father of the bride spoke and then said “Let’s Dance” to the guests. I had no idea there would not be a mother-son dance. I was devastated. It was very difficult for me to keep my composure for the rest of the evening. It was not a mistake according to the wedding planner and neither the bride nor her parents said they were sorry for hurting me. When my son learned I was hurt, he told me he didn’t know it would upset me so much and we could go on the dance floor now to dance. Let me also clarify that I was very generous to the couple as far as paying tens of thousands of dollars for the seated private club Rehearsal Dinner for 80+ and open bar Welcome Party at same venue, when I don’t even live in that city. I bought my son’s tux, I shared the Rehearsal Dinner flowers, and I gave my son money to help with expenses. Am I wrong to feel very hurt?
Question Asked: 31/01/2019
Wedding Date: 9/08/2018
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Answered by: 7 Experts
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You have every right to be hurt on that one and I believe there should be both at a Wedding unless there are special reasons why that would not happen.
That's An Awesome Q: I Prefer That Both Parents Mum' & Dad's Get 2 Do There Daddy Dance & Mummy Dance.....It's A Very Nice Thing 2 Do For Both Parents.......I Suggest It All The Time.....It's Not Fair If Mum's Miss-Out & They Need 2 Be Included No Matter Wot.......It Should Happen @Every Wedding.......
No, it's best to honour the parents wishes.
Its a tricky situation...
Generally (as in 98% of the time) mother/son dances don't happen for a few reasons. First and foremost is males don't understand the emotional impact of doing the dance. Secondly I'd say that because its not often done they arent even aware its a thing.
As someone thats entertained at hundreds of wedding receptions I personally do find it odd that the mother/son dance isnt really a thing in Australia.
In defence of your son and daughter inlaw I will say that the stress of wedding planning can leave them a bit absent minded to the smaller details that can have huge overall effect.
Lastly for mothers who are considering doing the dance in the future a simple inquiry with the to-be-weds may help you avoid this unfortunate and tricky situation.
If you'd like to chat further and are based in Western Australia we'd love to talk more about your entertainment.
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In the scheme of things it is better to accomodate a small wish like this from the Mother of the Groom. After all it is a special occasion for proud and loving parents also. However if you do wish to skip the dance then I would try to explainin as loving a way as possible long before the day itself arrives. Obviously there are always extenuating circumstances and I cannot cover all of them but at the end of the day it is the Bridfe and Grooms day and the fuinal decision is theirs.
There are no right or wrongs, each wedding is different, each couple and each family is different.. And i certainly can't tell you that you are wrong for feeling hurt.
I do know that the Mother/Son dance is not as old of a tradition as the Daddy/daughter dance. In our experience alot less couples do a mother/son dance. Maybe it was an oversight by the DJ/Entertainment or the wedding planner or venue in mentioning it to the couple so they remembered to plan one..
Easy Weddings Expert
I think it's okay and fair to be hurt. Of course, you weren't to know it wouldn't happen. But also, the wedding planner could have arranged it to happen afterward if there was a mistake or error on the bride's fathers part. That is the wedding planners job, after all, to ensure everything goes to plan. In cases like this, we highly recommend having a professional MC who can ensure all of the formalities and wishes of the couple are met at the reception. It is tough but it's one of those things that can't be repeated, so there is no use holding onto your hurt or resentment, and quite frankly it's best to let it go, otherwise it'll affect your relationship with your son's wife, and therefore your relationship with your son. Your generosity for the wedding shouldn't be with strings attached unless discussed prior to the wedding and accepted by the bride and groom.
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I am sorry to hear about your experience and it made you feel on the night too.
I am a professional Wedding DJ and MC with over 30 years of experience in the industry with planning and co-ordinating Wedding Running Sheets for all types of Weddings over the years.
Allow me to share with you that at most Weddings it is more traditional for the Bride to have her dance with her Father. Not all weddings include a Mother and Groom Dance.
This comes down to the panning of the event and what is scheduled on the Wedding Running Sheet for the event.
In most cases, either the Wedding Co-Ordinator or the MC will discuss all formalities to be included with the Bride and Groom prior to the event.
Some of them ask if they wish to include a Mother and Son/Groom Dance, others do not (only because it is not a common formality at most weddings.)
I would imagine this may not have been offered to your son and his new wife at the time of their consultation when preparing this with their Co-Ordinator or MC.
As a result, your son did not run this past you before the wedding as he may not have been advised that this was something he could also include on the night too.
To ensure this is announced on the night it would have had to been prepared for and incorporated on their Wedding Running SHeet so that their dj/band and mc would be prepared to announce and play the selected song chosen for that moment.
I hope this helps.
Warm blessings to you and your family.