Long story short he's a Muslim and for me to marry him I need to convert to Islam. Although I'm so confused why I need to change my religion to be with the man I love, the man of my dreams. There's a month left to our wedding and love this man to pieces but I just don't want to change I'm a Catholic. What should I do?
Question Asked: 19/06/2017
Wedding Date: 9/08/2018
Answered by: 3 Experts
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(0) · Southern Highlands | Wollongong | Blue Mountains and beyond
Posted: 18/08/2017
My advice is, if your confused and not sure if you should marry him, then don't. Postpone the wedding and seek expert advice/counselling either yourself or both of you, until such time as you know if this is what you really want.
You may wish to postpone your marriage a little while and/or cancel if you are feeling very confused while you talk things through with your partner, family and friends and/or contact some experts in relationships who can help you consider these types of issues. You could talk with your own Church leaders if you are a practicing Catholic and the Catholic church provides pre-marriage education and counselling, or if you prefer to go with your partner to a non-religious marriage and relationships counselling and information service, Relationships Australia have social workers, psychologists and counsellors working nationwide to assist anyone in a relationship with issues/concerns. Their 1900 no. is 1800 050 321 and they have a web page www.familyrelationships.gov.au
Your partner may also have some suggestions around seeking advice from a leader or counsellor within the Muslim faith. Locally, there are many private counsellors who may be able to help too and there are also Mediation services who can walk you both through a process to clarify the issues you have and talk them through. eg. Conflict Resolution Service operates nationally.
No one should ever feel pressured to marry or marry with doubts in mind. If you have completed a Notice of Intended Marriage (NoIM) with a Celebrant already, it is valid for 18 months which usually gives you thinking time and even then, you are under no legal or other obligation to go through with a marriage. The NoIM can simply be destroyed and redrafted later if/when you are ready. It would be illegal for a Civil Marriage Celebrant to facilitate your marriage if they knew you had serious doubts about your decision, so never feel pressured by anyone to go ahead with something you are not comfortable doing. Take your time with such important matters and if your fiance does not take this approach well, you might then know that he was not worth it anyway. Surely, if he loves you and you he, you will both want to ensure you marry when both are certain about the way forward and therefore happy, rather than confused.
Of course, you may have paid fees for venues, photographers, cake, cars and many other suppliers perhaps too, so if that is the case, contact each one quickly to see if you can postpone or cancel and still get back any deposits or other fees etc. In the long-term you may find that you are not able to get back money if cancelling completely, but perhaps can get back some if postponing etc. Money is not everything however if you know in the end, you made the right decision and making the wrong decision might even prove more costly in the long run. Many people sell wedding decorations, gowns etc via the various Wedding fora or on ebay, gumtree etc too, so you might still be able to regain some expenditure to date.
Obviously, you should tell family and friends who you have invited to the ceremony too, as soon as possible of your plans, as often people spend a lot on travel, accommodation, gifts etc and they would rather know too what is happenning too.
I strongly recommend, if you do postpone or cancel that you seek some emotional and psychological support with and/or after your decision as there may well be a period of grieving to go through. This is never easy of course, but Relationship Australia can also refer you in the right direction and/or your GP might help if you are unsure how to get this help. I am a Civil Marriage Celebrant and cannot offer further expertise really, except to say that Lifeline is always available to support people who are going through a tough time, so they may be a good source of information too.
No matter what happens, I wish you luck and honestly feel that you deserve the best and what is right for you in the end, so my best wishes in making any difficult decisions and always put your needs and wants first. Ask for help too as a problem shared is a problem best dealt with.
Regards
Gina Callan at Licensed to Wed :)
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Hello - what a struggle you are going through. It is sometimes difficult to work through these conflicting feelings by yourself. You may take advantage of seeking professional advice in these matters, such as with Relationships Australia. They provide councellors, and social workers who will be able to help your through this part of your relationship. If you do decide to call your wedding off, you will need to advise people as soon as possible. However, you may consider taking the time to work through the issue, with a professional, and postpone the wedding date rather than stop it completely. Your Notice of Intended Marriage document is relevant for 18 months. I wish you all the best in making your decision, together, an all the best to both of you for your future. Sue