My best friend since high school has chosen three virtual strangers to be her bridesmaids. She told me that I’m too fat to be a bridesmaid and that it will wreck her wedding photos. I’m a size 20. She’s a size 12. She’s invited me to the wedding, but I really don’t want to go. Will it look petty to decline?
Wow. I’m actually offended for you. What a horrible, horrible thing to experience. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that.
On a less mushy note, I don’t think you should at all be shy or worried about offending her nor should you worry about sounding petty. After all, she doesn’t seem too fussed about offending you. If you no longer feel comfortable attending her wedding, especially since her rather inconsiderate behaviour has led to these feelings, I don’t think there’s anything petty about not attending.
To be frank, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend, let alone a best friend.
The thing is, you’ve got to weigh up your own feelings. Frankly, I don’t think it’s at all ok and, having had a close friend experience the very same thing years ago and seeing her still hurt by it decades later, I’m ready to shout “Hell, no. Don’t go!” and encourage you to re-evaluate your relationship with this person.
So, if it were me, I probably wouldn’t go, but the fact is I’m not standing in your shoes. I don’t know her like you do, nor do I know about your relationship and I’m certainly not the one who will miss out on seeing my best friend wed. You’re the only one who can weigh up which is the greater emotion: the hurt caused by this person versus your desire to be there when she walks down the aisle.
At the end of the day, your wedding day is about being surrounded by those who are nearest and dearest to you and, though her reasons for not choosing your are questionable and, well, let’s face it, downright inconsiderate, she does still count you as one of her nearest and dearest and obviously wants you at her wedding. Of course, and understandably so, that may not be enough to mollify your feelings of hurt.
Either way, it is her perogative to have whomever she pleases in her bridal party – for whatever reason (even shallow ones) but it’s also your perogative not to attend – and not be frightened to do so.
PS: If you do go, I hope you’re dressed to the nines and look fabulous! XX
What would you do in this situation? Have you ever been in this situation?