Although weddings have traditionally been hosted by the bride’s family, it is becoming increasingly common for the groom’s family to take on some of the key responsibilities. Here are the major mother of the groom duties you may ask your future mother-in-law to perform:
As soon as possible after you announce your engagement your fiance’s mother should write a note to your parents, or give them a call to express her happiness at the news and invite them over for dinner or drinks. There will no doubt be some initial discussions at this meeting about who will be paying for what so parents should be prepared to start negotiations.
The mother of the groom should ask you how many people she will be able to invite from the groom’s family and her friends, and then draw up a guest list indicating those that should ideally be invited to the whole event and those that might just be invited to an evening reception. She should try not to be disappointed if she is allowed fewer guests than she hoped; the size of their guest list may be proportional to their financial contribution to the wedding.
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Traditionally the bride’s family will host an engagement party and bridal shower, but if the groom’s parents live far away from them it may be easier for the mother of the groom to arrange a separate one than to ask everyone to make the journey. She should discuss this with the mother of the bride and explain the distance issue so as not to give offence. The mother of the groom’s party should be after the mother of the bride’s.
The groom’s mother should plan and host the rehearsal dinner if there is going to be one. You should provide her with a guest list and feel free to give any suggestions about the style and formality of the occasion. If you’d rather have a casual barbeque than a sit down dinner make sure the mother of the groom is aware of that.
There are so many things to do in the run up to the wedding your future mother-in-law will probably be thrilled if you delegate some of them to her. Whether it’s getting quotes from florists, finding recommendations for caterers, checking out venues, or arranging the wedding cake, she will enjoy playing a role in your wedding preparations and it can take some of the pressure off you.
There are some aspects of the wedding that the groom is traditionally responsible for such as the honeymoon, wedding night accommodation, and the wedding car. As the bride you won’t want to question him about these arrangements in case you come across as a bit controlling, but his mother could always have a quiet word.
On the day of the wedding, the mother of the groom will spend most of her time smiling, circulating, and being congratulated on her son’s choice of bride. You could put her in charge of one aspect, such as making sure the flower arrangements are moved from the ceremony to the reception.
If you are having a receiving line she will be part of that, or you may choose to have both sets of parents announced as they arrive at the reception. Her final duty will be to dance with her son, something that she shouldn’t find too difficult at all.
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