Bridesmaids Playbook: What to expect with this coveted role

Being a bridesmaid is an honour, yes. But it’s also a responsibility. If it’s your first time in this coveted role, perhaps you’re wondering what to expect. This is where the Bridesmaids Playbook comes in.

As a bridesmaid, there is a little more to the role than just getting donned in a beautiful dress (although, who doesn’t love doing that?). You are now officially part of the bride’s inner circle, her support crew, her dream team. 

The bridesmaids playbook has been written as the go-to guide for everything bridesmaid-related: from planning the perfect hens, to tactfully taking tasks off the bride’s overflowing plate, to knowing what role you can play to make her day smooth and unforgettable.

Whether you’re the Maid of Honour or one of the gang, this guide is designed to help you show up, step up, and make the experience special – for everyone involved, from the couple to the guests.

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Bridesmaids Playbook

What is the Bridesmaids Playbook?

As the role of bridesmaid has evolved over the years, the traditional image of matching frilly dresses and bouquet holding is becoming a distant memory. Today, bridesmaids have become the brides’ closest allies and emotional anchors; they also hold the coveted role of admin of the WhatsApp group chat.

That said, many bridal parties will find themselves wondering: What exactly are we supposed to do? Enter: Bridesmaids Playbook. 

This is where clear roles can be defined, with your expected responsibilities, what it looks like to go above and beyond and how to become the emotional support. Take everything in here with the proverbial grain of salt and not rigid roles. 

Our tip: Chat early on, over a drink or group WhatsApp, to set expectations and define roles before the planning kicks into high gear.

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Choosing the right roles: Who does what?

One of the smartest moves you can make out the gate is to find everyone’s strengths and play to them. The Type A person can be in charge of making appointments, the party-lover can organise the hens, and the person closest to the family can help to mitigate any personal dramas. 

Traditionally, the Maid of Honour leads the charge, but modern bridal parties often work best when things are shared. Splitting up responsibilities, from dress shopping logistics to fielding questions from family members, makes the entire journey smoother and more enjoyable. When everyone feels useful and included, it brings the group closer and lightens the load for the bride.

Our tip: Before assigning roles and responsibilities, make sure that the person taking on it wants to and has the time to. Find something everyone is enthusiastic about! Your bride will appreciate the initiative.

Planning the big stuff: Hen’s party timings, budget, and overall vibe

It’s time for the exciting stuff when wedding planning – the hen’s party! A time to all bond, get to know each other, maybe even let loose. But when do you plan it, book it, and what is the vibe? 

Timing-wise, it’s best to hold the hen’s party 4-6 weeks out from the wedding. It’s close enough to the big day to build anticipation, but not so close that it impedes on the planning. 

When planning, always keep the bride’s preferences at the centre. Is she after a luxe weekend away, a laid-back dinner, a wine tour, or something wildly unique? Once the vibe is locked in, set a clear budget and communicate openly with the rest of the group.

Remember, it doesn’t need to break the bank, it’s about building memories.

Our tip: Give the bride a short list of 2–3 options to choose from. It keeps the planning focused while still letting her feel in control.

Minimising stress and what you can take off the bride’s plate

Wedding planning is definitely stressful, even for the most relaxed bride. So relieving some of this stress is where bridesmaids can really shine. Just the little things; picking up alterations, helping to proofread emails to vendors so that they make sense, or even making place cards. The things that are surprisingly time-consuming, particularly when you’re balancing work and your day-to-day life.

Don’t wait to be asked. Instead, actively check in and offer to help with something specific. Even managing RSVP reminders or helping her pack an overnight bag for the wedding night can be huge stress relievers.

Our tip: Instead of asking “Do you need help?”, offer specific suggestions like “Would you like me to handle the RSVP spreadsheet?” or “I’ve got the signage covered.”

Talk isn’t cheap, communication is key!

Weddings can certainly bring out a lot of emotions, and not just from the couples. In fact, misaligned expectations and miscommunication can have catastrophic fallouts during emotionally charged times like this, so much so that there’s a whole subreddit dedicated to it called Wedding Drama.

How can you avoid being a Reddit post? Open, honest communication! Check in with the bride early on about how involved she wants everyone to be. Some brides love delegating, while others prefer to keep things close to the chest. Make it easy for her to speak up about what she needs, but also be observant. If she seems stressed or withdrawn, it might be time to step in gently. It’s not just about doing tasks; it’s about being there, emotionally and mentally.

Our tip: A casual monthly check-in (coffee, text thread, call) goes a long way in keeping the vibe positive, plans aligned, and the bride feeling supported.

Bridesmaids Playbook FAQs

Who pays for the bridesmaid dresses?

In most cases, bridesmaids are expected to cover the cost of their dress, shoes, accessories, and professional hair/makeup (if required). However, this can vary depending on budget and the bride’s preferences. Some more flexible couples may contribute to or cover some of these costs. 

If the bride has specific requirements, it’s a good idea for her to check in and offer support where needed. Clear communication around finances early on avoids any awkwardness and helps everyone feel comfortable and valued.

When should we order bridesmaid dresses?

When it comes to needing alterations or customisations, the more time the better. A good six-month lead time for the dresses to arrive is a safe bet. 

Remember to factor in extra time if your bridal party is scattered across different cities or countries; shipping and tailoring can add unexpected delays.

Do I have to attend every event?

Not necessarily. While it’s ideal to attend as many key events as possible, life happens. If you’re across the pond, it might be hard to make the bridal shower, or if you’re pregnant, you might want to skip out on the hen’s party nightclubbing aspect. 

If you can’t make it to something, be honest with the bride as soon as possible and try to contribute in other ways (like helping with planning or sending a thoughtful gift/message). Most brides will appreciate your honesty and effort. What matters most is your presence and support where it counts the most.

What happens if I’m not comfortable with something I’ve been asked to do?

Speaking up is okay if you’re overwhelmed, overcommitted, or uncomfortable with a request. Whether it’s financial strain, body image concerns about the dress, or uncertainty around certain events, honest and respectful communication is key. Most brides won’t want their bridesmaids to feel stressed or pressured. Address the issue early and offer a solution or a compromise where possible.

Do bridesmaids give a wedding gift too?

Yes, it’s traditional for bridesmaids to give a wedding gift, but it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Given the time and financial commitments involved in being part of the bridal party, a thoughtful, modest gift is perfectly acceptable. 

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