Even the loveliest and most even-tempered of brides can crumble under the stress of wedding planning, so, whether you’re the groom, a bridesmaid or a family member, here is some sage advice – that’s only slightly tongue-in-cheek: never, we repeat, never say any of the following things to a bride because, wedding planning can take its toll – and the bride is usually under more stress than you realise:
Yeah, I don’t really care about that
This is a HUGE no-no. Don’t ever say it – about anything! Whether you’re a bridesmaid or the groom, your bride needs your support, advice and, at the very least, involvement in whatever it is she’s asked you to help with. So, if a bride asks for your opinion, even if you don’t care about the topic, please don’t say you don’t care. It really won’t kill you to share your opinion on whether the scatters on the wedding reception tables should be cobalt blue, cornflower blue or ultramarine.
Can we please leave now?
This is something you’ll probably say a few times as you visit wedding vendor after wedding vendor, but don’t say it out loud. The thing is, you need to leave when she’s made a decision, when she’s happy with it and when is 100 per cent ready to leave. Don’t suggest it’s time to leave because you can’t bear to look at another length of lace that, to you, looks exactly like the last 20. Do not indicate you are tired or bored, even if you’re ready to poke yourself in the eye. Give some input and answer whatever questions she needs you to answer. Do that and you’ll get out of there a whole lot sooner than if you put up a fight!
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You’re not going to eat that, are you?
Most brides want to look perfect on their big day and they want their wedding dress to be a perfect fit. So, as the big day draws closer, they tend to lose sleep over lots of little things that may seem unimportant to you, including the possibility of gaining weight. Reminding them of their fear is not a good move (or very nice) because, frankly, they, no doubt, look beautiful just the way they are and are fretting over nothing.
It’s really not that important…
It may not be important to you, but for the person who is probably doing the bulk of the wedding planning, it’s important to her. So, no matter how trivial or inconsequential something may seem to you as a bridesmaid or groom, it’s important enough to her to mention it to you.
That can wait till tomorrow
Oh, no, it can’t. Well, yes it probably can but by implying that a decision isn’t significant enough to worry about now, right now, you’re likely going to poke the bear. If the bride wants to do something today, then she probably needs to do it today or has planned in her overall schedule that something must be done today in order for her to stay on track. And, for pity’s sake, don’t encourage her to procrastinate. She’s probably stressed enough as it is and doesn’t need extra jobs piling up to be done on another day that is, likely, just as full.
Is it really worth that much?
Don’t ever ask this question, certainly not about the wedding dress. The bride knows what the wedding budget is and has factored in everything she has to do with it. If she’s allocated a certain amount for, say, her dress or the wedding cake, then, yes, it is worth that much. Just remember, that the bride’s reaction may depend on who’s asking the question – and whether they’re contributing to the overall wedding budget.
Nobody is EVER going to notice that
Are you crazy? If it’s there, it will be seen by someone at some time, even if only by accident. It doesn’t matter if it’s the smallest speck on a tablecloth or a sequin that’s millimeters off-centre, if she notices it, someone else may and, well, it’s just not worth the risk.
Saying this is likely to have the exact opposite effect. Your frazzled bride is probably treading on eggshells thinking of a hundred different things that need to be done and it’s easy to get a little hot under the collar or stressed.
How many bridesmaids will you have?
You certainly won’t help by telling her she’s losing it, even if she very clearly is.
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You do know it’s going to rain on the wedding day, right?
Your bride is, likely, on top of everything – even if she doesn’t feel it – and, hopefully, feels she can control most of it, but one thing she absolutely has no power over is the weather, so why give her another thing to worry about? If you want to depress her, tell her it’s going to rain on her wedding day – or you could just not mention it. If it rains, it rains and the most you can do is have a back-up plan for your photos or your venue if you’ve planned an outdoor or beach wedding.
Yeah, I’m not sure I can do that
If you’ve promised to do something prior to the wedding or on the day, don’t even think about backing out or saying you can’t do something just because you couldn’t be bothered. It’s different, of course, if it’s a completely unreasonable request or something, perhaps, you cannot afford, but if it’s within your power to grant the bride this wish, at least think about doing it. She’s counted on your support and taken that item off her very long to-do list. Helping her out is not only part of your role as the groom, a bridesmaid or a close friend or family member, it’s a nice thing to do for a bride-to-be on one of the most important days of her life – and she’s asked YOU to help her with it.
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