How does one handle someone bringing a baby to a kids-free wedding?
I didn't know what category to put this in, but my partner and I opted for a totally child-free wedding however we have a guest who has simply decided her grandchild ( a 23week baby) will be coming along - without asking anyone! The parents are invited to the wedding but only one set of grandparents. I know the other set is available to babysit (and would be delighted to) but the guest is simply insisting that the baby will just come along (and note - it's not the mother insisting, it's the grandmother). How do I have a conversation with her or at least my M-I-L (it's her cousin) to let her know that it is our wish NOT to have children attend - and there are other couples that are respecting these wishes! I think it's rude both to us and those guests that have respected our wish to simply assume that this is ok.
Tam B
Question Asked: 14/03/2017
Wedding Date: 13/05/2017
Wedding Location: Novar Gardens, SA 5040
Most Helpful Response
Answered by: 12 Experts
Sort by:
(18) · Byron Bay to Ballina , North Coast NSW and Gold Coast QLD
Posted: 7/04/2017
Ask someone close to you, to contact them and explain the situation, the message will be received differently from a 'concerned' person
Mario
Bit of a hard one. Best to speak to this person directly; if they are not willing to compromise by leaving their child, especially at such a young age, at home, then it may be best to ask them to not attend. Speaking to the parents of the child rather than the grandparents may help as well. Kind regards Kyle
(51) · Daylesford | Macedon Ranges| Bellarine Peninsula | Geelong | Melbourne and surrounds | Victoria|
Posted: 20/03/2017
It sounds like you have been really clear with your request so it might be time to lay it on the line.
Perhaps approaching from the "we would love you to be fully present at the wedding and we fear that the baby will be a distraction for you" angle might work.
Otherwise l would just say what you have said - "other guests have made arrangements for their children so you need to as well."
Like a mobile phone, some people are going to listen and respect, others will do what they want no matter what you say. Fingers crossed you get your point cross or else the baby sleeps through the whole thing :D
(0) · Melbourne, Regional Victoria and beyond
Posted: 20/03/2017
Plan A is to tactfully yet assertively remind her that other parents are respecting your wish for a child-free wedding, and you would appreciate her showing a similar level of respect, not only towards yourself but towards the other guests as well.
If she stubbornly refuses, resort to Plan B, which is to 'tactfully' tell her you fully understand if she has to stay away in order to mind the baby, but this would be very disappointing because you'd really love her to be there.
(17) · Cairns and Surrounding Areas.
Posted: 15/03/2017
Hi Tam, its a sensitive issue however since all your other guests are abiding by your wishes, you need to remain assertively polite and clearly remind the parents of the baby that you are having a child free wedding and it will be most unfair to the others with children if this request is not respected. It is extremely rude and thoughtless so its up to you to take control of this situation. All the best :)
(15) · Wollongong, South Coast (as far as Nowra), Southern Highlands and Sydney
Posted: 14/03/2017
Hi. I think it is best to have the conversation with the baby's parents and tell them about the no children invited request and that others have respected the request.
Hi Tam
I would suggest that you contact the parents of the bub and let them know that all children, including theirs is excluded. The child is their responsibility, and unless they are very unusual folk, they will deal with it.
%20of%20131-JCA-highres_NEW.jpg?quality=80&format=jpg&mode=crop&autorotate=true&crop=20,20,-20,-20&width=80&height=80)
(47) · Dandenong Ranges/Yarra Valley/Melbourne & surrounds
Posted: 14/03/2017
Hi Tam! How disrespectful of your wishes to assume that the 'rules' don't apply to this guest. Honesty is the best policy and I would be polite but direct. This is YOUR wedding day and like most brides and grooms, you have worked hard to ensure it is exactly the way you want it. If face to face is too difficult, pick up the phone and let her know that you have an 'across the board' child-free policy and unfortunately, the baby will not be able to attend. Then stop talking. Do not feel the need to explain yourself. If she even begins to disagree with you or try to sway you, tell her you understand if she's unable to attend should she need to babysit and you look forward to catching up with them all another time. Have a lovely wedding day Tam - and don't buckle! :-) Lisa Newman - Melbourne Wedding Celebrant.
Hi Tam,
My daughter had a similar situation for her wedding, she explained that it wouldn't be unfair to all the other mother's who have kindly organised babysitters to see someone bring their baby. Her friend understood eventually and was very pleased she could enjoy the wedding day child free.
Didn't find what you were looking for? Ask your own question and we'll have our experts answer it.
Ask a question
Dear Tam,
It is the grand-parent who is being rude and she should know better ! This is a respect issue. Perhaps, hone in on the statement you made in your question, which was it's not fair on the other guests who have left children at home. Also, the baby will not like being at a noisy wedding with lots of music etc etc.
Do you know this person? If so, I might phone her to explain. Then she is going to look a little foolish and selfish is she goes ahead with her plan and will not look well in other peoples eyes.
This is your Wedding Day and you both have asked for a child free wedding. Stick to your guns.
Best of luck
Jan