How do I deal with my bridezilla bridesmaids

My bridesmaids Comprise of my two cousins , my sister and my friend . My friend has been amazing . But this experience has taught me that my family all have a bit of diva inside them . Initially when searching for bridesmaid dresses every choice I chose was rejected . One wanted to be the centre of attention with a dress , one wasn't happy with a certain cut because it wasn't a cut which flattered her and lastly the other one opposed everything because it didn't meet what they liked or wanted . Finally being happy with my choice of dress which everyone likes I've been showing a few friends , to which my cousin has told me to stop showing them ( I thought it was my wedding ? ) . My sister has now abused me because I've decided to let the makeup artist chose which order she lets everyone have their makeup and hair . I've been told I've lost allegiance to my family , but frankly I'm doing it to save argument and to not be the one who gets the blame . Any tips to dealing with this ???

Question Asked: 15/05/2017

Wedding Date: 9/08/2018

Most Helpful Response

David Sharpe

(6) · Melbourne

Posted: 16/05/2017

You said you are doing this to save argument. So, let the Bridesmaids decide their involvement and adornments themselves and make you life bearable and go with the outcome. In the event they cannot agree, go the democratic way and get them to vote and then take ownership of the outcome. Sounds difficult initally but will reap rewards, trust me....

Answered by: 11 Experts

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Kim O'Sullivan Celebrant

(15) · Wollongong, South Coast (as far as Nowra), Southern Highlands and Sydney

Posted: 20/06/2017

Hi I agree with the comments made by the other celebrants. Basically after you have done what you can and acted on the advice, the extra thing you can say or do is tell them that if they are not happy to be your bridesmaid, then they do not have to and no hard feelings.

Treasured Ceremonies

(18) · Byron Bay to Ballina , North Coast NSW and Gold Coast QLD

Posted: 19/06/2017

Weddings can bond people for life or destroy relationships that went on for years, so be careful about being overly demanding, which will spark animosity among your friends, speak up right away to address the situation

Sharen Pelly Celebrant

(0) · Brisbane

Posted: 2/06/2017

It's certainly not pleasant if this sort of thing happens. If I were you, I would talk to them individually and explain how the behaviour overall is really upsetting and that you want the day to be wonderful for yourself your partner and for everyone concerned. This can't happen if their is conflict. Appeal to them individually to help you in this respect, because you really want them to be part of your day. Handle it assertively...but remember ...it is your special day, and you want to remember it with love and happiness. Hope this helps. Regards Sharen Pelly.

Brian Loomes J.P. CMC

(59) · Sydney & Surrounding Areas

Posted: 24/05/2017

I really feel sorry for you, with those people, your wedding could be a disaster, you take control and 'sack them' and choose friends and / or relatives who are compatible, there is plenty of time to start again. Best of luck Brian Loomes Celebrant.

Northern Beaches North Shore Marriage Celebrants

(2) · Sydney

Posted: 17/05/2017

I would individually approach each one and reassure them about how much you love having them as a bridesmaid and highlight their importance and value they bring and mention that since everyone is trying to bring everything they can it is getting a little overwhelming so you are going to call a meeting and or just delegate out extra tasks as it is making you anxious. The common goal here is making life fun and easy for the bride. I would avoid any personal attacks and ensure you speak to each bridemaids so no one feels alienated or targeted, if that fails speak directly to the offenders in polite, open, honest way being careful not to shame or put down the other person. Always speak from the 'I' - I feel -- there is no such things as 'you make me...' Because you decide what upsets you and what doesn't and by using the I it can't bring other person worth into question.Good luck

Denise Judge Celebrancy

(2) · Greater Sydney Area, North Coast & South Coast

Posted: 17/05/2017

You certainly do not need this stress leading up to the most important day of "your" life! (note the emphasis on 'your'!). I have been a bridesmaid many times myself. Each time I was asked, I was just so delighted and honoured, that I could not have imagined acting this way..! It is easier to manage these issues with a smaller bridal party but sometimes it needs to be 'more the merrier', particularly if your fiance wants more of his friends/relatives involved. If your bridesmaids continue to cause you grief, I would ask them (in confidence)if they really want to be involved..? They don't have to be!. Say quite clearly that this is what you want. You would love them to be included but they can opt out if they wish. Perhaps you could suggest instead that they may wish to present a reading you have selected instead. Be very clear..! Limit choices to facilitate concensus....sometimes it is just what you say goes...Hope you have a wonderful wedding day ! Denise

Marina Payne Celebrancy

(19) · Yarra Valley and all of Melbourne

Posted: 16/05/2017

Oh dear, perhaps you could sit them down and remind them that it is your wedding and they will have their turn when they marry. Also it is an honor to be asked to be part of the bridal party and their job is to lessen the stress and workload on you. If you aren't able to do this then maybe your Mum or an Aunt can help out. It must be so hard to find the people you love the most are making your life so difficult - a time that should be the happiest in your life. Good luck with your plans and may you have a very happy and stress free wedding day.

Dorothy Saaroni - Civil Celebrant

(3) · Melbourne

Posted: 16/05/2017

Whose wedding is it and who is in charge? You need to delegate but still approve of decisions in the end. Try to get clarity around these issues early on.

Jill Hosken - Celebrate Life

(14) · Melbourne

Posted: 16/05/2017

Oh dear - how disappointing and frustrating for you and an additional stress you don't need. I totally agree with previous suggestion from Felicity - open communication is always best - and the sooner the better. Perhaps there is a family member who could speak to them on your behalf if you find it too confronting reminding them it IS your day - if they are quite young and if none have been in a bridal party before they maybe unaware of what their role is. Also, you can google "bridesmaids etiquette"- there are some great sites you could copy them in on!! Another suggestion re dresses is to ask them to choose their own in a style of their preference within a colour scheme - it is very common these days for bridesmaids to do this.I wish you well and hope things get on an even keep so you can all enjoy the fun and excitement of this special time.Best

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