This situation doesn’t apply to everyone but it’s certainly not uncommon. You acquire a boyfriend and things get serious. Once wedding plans are announced, it’s more than serious. In some families, friction can occur. If your father and fiancé don’t quite get along, here are some strategies to help you cope.
There is no hard and fast rule about falling in love, and sometimes when we fall in love, it can end up being with someone who our parents don’t warm to straight away.
If your father and fiancé don’t quite get along, it is important that you seek out some strategies to help you cope. After all, a build up of stress and tension could result in a falling out with your parents, or, even lead to the end of your relationship.
It’s also important that you try to understand how your father and fiancé are both feeling. Your father may feel highly protective of his daughter, while your fiancé may feel he is looked down upon or not deemed good enough. After all, for some people, dealing with the in-laws isn’t always easy.
Unfortunately, tension between two of the most important people in your life can result in a great deal of stress and leave you feeling deflated rather than elated about your upcoming wedding plans. Some people may even feel they have to ‘pick a side’ or choose, which is, obviously, impossible when it’s between your father and fiancé.
If conflict develops between you and your parents because of your choice of future husband, here are some strategies you can use to help you cope.
Strategies for coping and reducing the tension
Speak up and tell your father and fiancé how you are feeling
Resolve to take control. You are not a child asking for permission, you are an adult, and you have made the decision to marry your fiancé. Ultimately, this is something your father will need to accept, and you should tell him that not having his approval is very difficult for you.
Additionally, make it clear to your fiance that despite he and your father having their differences, ultimately, you expect him to remain polite and respectful towards your father.
Clearly communicate to both parties exactly how their feelings and behaviour towards one another makes you feel. They may not even realise how much their tension affects you.
Ultimately, you need to accept the current situation you are facing. Whilst you may feel sad that you don’t get to experience a picture-perfect family dynamic between your parents and your fiancé, accepting how things are will help you cope with the stress.
Once you accept that things aren’t going as well as you would like, you can shift your focus on working towards a resolution, or, at least, coping mechanisms to help you all manage during family dinners and functions.
Focus on the good stuff
Whilst it may seem difficult, try to be positive and focus on the wonderful things in your life such as your upcoming wedding. Keeping your attitude positive will not only help you deal with the stress of your father and fiancé not quite getting along, but it may also rub off on them too.
Consult a neutral family member
Sometimes a family member or friend that gets along well with both parties may be able to help. Whether it’s your brother, mother, uncle, aunt, cousin or family friend, having them chat individually with your father and fiancé may help to significantly diffuse tension and allow them to see eye-to-eye.
Seek family counselling
If all else fails, and, if both parties agree, seek out the services of a professional family counsellor or therapist. A counsellor can help to resolve any conflict and tension between your father and fiancé.
Hopefully, some of these strategies will help you cope. Good luck!