{"id":39055,"date":"2016-05-12T07:17:03","date_gmt":"2016-05-11T21:17:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/content.easyweddings.com\/au\/articles\/dealing-with-your-in-laws\/"},"modified":"2021-11-10T04:52:41","modified_gmt":"2021-11-09T17:52:41","slug":"dealing-with-your-in-laws","status":"publish","type":"au-article","link":"https:\/\/www.easyweddings.com.au\/articles\/dealing-with-your-in-laws\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with your in-laws: 7 ways to cope"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dealing with your in-laws is not always easy, especially when they are acting like outlaws.\u00a0You marry your partner, but get the in-laws for free. Things you get for free are not always the things you want, are they?<\/p>\n
“Here lies one of the biggest challenges of marriage – your free gift of outlaws,” says Melbourne-based\u00a0Strategic Therapist and relationship expert Phil Owens. \u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n “Whilst you can do all of the due diligence that you like about the person that you want to spend all of your life with, you can often end up getting more than you bargained for – as your marriage creates new relationships between you and the in-laws, as well as changing the relationships that your partner has with their family.<\/p>\n Sometimes the family of the person we fall in love with has completely different behaviours, values and standards to our own. What they have learned to tolerate over time, may be completely against what we should accept, or simply find unpleasant and not aligned to who we are.<\/p>\n We can be thrust into circumstances that can vary from downright dangerous to simply unpleasant, and everything in between. We can be exposed to violence, aggression, racism, sexism, dangerous or threatening actions simply by being with our partner in their home environment.<\/p>\n Whilst it is the plot line for so many RomComs – like ‘Meet the Fockers’ – this clash of cultures can put real pressure on the relationship that matters, between you and your partner.<\/p>\n Putting it simply, there are no guarantees that the person you love has family that you will love. Or that they will love you. When you find yourself with outlaws instead of in-laws, what can you do?<\/p>\n Whilst a common response is for people to ‘tolerate’ behaviours and attitudes because they want to impress their partner or fit in. As you are establishing a relationship with your partner’s family, it is critical to get things sorted so that you can manage – and even co-exist with the ‘Fockers’ in your life.”<\/p>\n Phil gives his advice<\/a> on some ways to help in dealing with your in-laws.<\/p>\n “If the relationship with your partner’s family is likely to be a ‘dealbreaker’ for you, then it is important before the question is popped that you do your due diligence,” advises Phil.<\/a><\/p>\n “That means really getting to understand them, their values and their intentions. Too often, we simply interact with our partner’s family in a very superficial way. This is often through limited contact opportunities, but also because everyone is being on their best behaviour – which doesn’t apply once you become part of the ‘family’ and their guards are dropped.<\/p>\n If the relationship is critical, then invest time and effort in really getting to know your partners family. Work to get beyond the niceties and learn about them as people. Find the rough edges and their values, and be prepared to find things that don’t always fit with your own view of the world.”<\/p>\n <\/p>\nDecide how important\u00a0they are<\/h2>\n
The local footy club rule<\/h2>\n