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Chat to other parent's about Stages of Development; Eating; Sleeping; Temper Tantrums;

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Postby sweetime » Wed Mar 21, 2012 8:42 pm

I'm not sure if this is the right topic/area so if I'm wrong, mods please move it :)

I've got a 5 year old stepson with some sort of developmental delay. He's still being tested etc for what might be the problem (they're leaning towards autism, which I don't think he has), but in the meantime he's off at kinder.

FH and his ex-wife had a meeting with the kinder today about the problems with my stepson. His speech is quite delayed, he has anger management problems and poor impulse control. Some of the issues that they've raised are valid, but I wonder about the techniques which they are using to deal with it.

For example, they point out that when other kids try to play with a toy that my stepson is playing with, he growls at them and tells them that it's his. The inference being that he doesn't know how to share. However, when I take him to playgroup and a similar thing happens if I say to him "Ok, X, we need to share now. Do you think the other little boy/girl could play, too?" he'll 99% of the time agree (the only time he won't is when it means that he'd have to give up completely whatever it is that he's playing with, which strikes me as fair enough!). While I realise that most other kids won't think to ask, my stepson has an aid with him all day (supplied by the kinder) who could ask this question on behalf of the kids.

Similarly, when I went to pick him up the other day, he had a toy that belonged to another little girl and wouldn't give it back. His aid basically spent her time following him around, dragging the little girl whose toy it was behind her, trying to corner my stepson to point out that the other little girl was upset. While I understand what she was trying to do (instill/draw upon empathy) chasing him around the room basically turns it into a game. If she'd told the little girl to sit down and wait somewhere, stopped my stepson and then done the "that's not your toy, it's the little girls, and look she's all sad, can she have it back now" chances are he'd have given it back (it's how we deal with problems here, and it's mostly effective).

Now, I wasn't at this meeting (which is fair enough) so my question is: how do I approach the kinder about making suggestions about how they deal with my stepson? Do I even do it? It's not really possible for FH to approach them in person (he works full time and has had a lot of time off lately for other testing stuff, etc). It just frustrates me that, while I know he has problems, time and energy are possibly being deflected trying to cope with things that can actually for the most part, be resolved. That said, for all I know they're doing these things and I just don't know about them because I wasn't there. I'd also like to get some sort of communication diary in place - these issues which came up at the meeting were things that have been happening for quite some time, and yet when I pick him up if I say "how was he?" for the most part, they don't really say anything about the issues.

Anyway, if you managed to get through all that well done! Any advice on whether and how I should stick my oar in here would be greatly appreciated.
Postby sweetime » Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:15 pm

Which totally sucks, 'coz FH works which means that he doesn't see X at playgroup and other places to be able to pass on the info about how he copes and strategies that work, so the info he's trying to give them is second hand which totally doesn't work. Not helped by the fact that FH is really passive - he won't push these views on the kinder, he'll just smile and nod at them while they talk about the problems.

Clearly the solution is to ...steal the child and educate him myself? I dunno :nothappyjan:
Postby lollol0003 » Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:19 pm

Can you ask FH and his ex (or get him to ask) if you can talk to the staff? Surely if you have their permission it's ok?
Lauren :-D

See my S&T!!! viewtopic.php?f=33&t=35924
Postby Aurin » Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:26 pm

I don't think you can say anything, other than trying to talk your FH into telling his ex about how you feel about it.
- - -
Started Dating - September 2005
Lap #1, hyster #1, D&C #1 and Endo diagnosis - March 2009
Engaged - November 2009
Married - January 2011
Started TTC #1 - February 2012
Ovarian reserve studies - July 2012
Lap #2, hyster #2, D&C #2, dye studies and PCS diagnosis - August 2012
Postby missm03 » Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:56 pm

Yeah what a tough situation.....I really don't know...if it was me I would probably go and talk to them because it sounds like you are always dropping him off/picking him up? However I am not in your situation so I am not sure if that would make it worse...

I worked in childcare for 7 years and from my experience I had no problem talking to partners of biological parents about the child...not sure though if there are rules and regulations about it where you are.

Proud to be Rebecca08's Belly Buddy
Postby sweetime » Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:06 pm

Yeah I'm a SAH(S)M...though technically I'm self-employed, but it's certainly me doing the school/kinder drop off and pickup runs. The same with extra-curricula activities.

I think FH is going to ask his ex-wife whether I can talk to the kinder, she gets very defensive whenever I try to do anything involving the children (WW3 nearly erupted because I dared ask a dance school to send out a pamphlet about the cost and times of their classes).

Wouldn't life be a lot simpler if we could all just get along :sing: I couldn't find a peace symbol, so you'll just have to pretend she's singing "kumbaya"
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